A recent undertaking of researching my genealogy has led not so much to a change in life circumstance as to a shift in perspective on the interconnectedness and vastness of human life, history and the stories we tell ourselves about who we are.
Like many of us, I grew up with a pretty basic “story”. My dad’s family comes from Salt Spring Island, BC. These peoples’ ancestors were originally from the Shetlands. My mom’s family was always more of mystery, though I knew grandpa was born in Utah and grandma in Idaho and both had 9 to 11 siblings and maybe grandma was part Cherokee. We didn’t celebrate my mother’s heritage because I don’t think they knew really what that was. My dad always said grandpa was one of the last “real American cowboys”.
But, of course, this begs the question, is our heritage our DNA, our stories, our faith or what? And if we find out just how complex our stories are does that clarify or confuse?
So, in a nutshell, my DNA told me I was 51% Europe West, 18% Scandinavian, 15% Celtic, 6% British, 3% Caucasus, 2% Europe East, 1%Native American and <1% of each Finnish, Iberian (Spanish), Asia Central , North African and Southern European.
What that means in terms of family tree is even more complex because no matter what’s in the mix, that all somehow managed to get planted on Camano Island, WA in 2018. What did I find in my tree? EVERYTHING! (Well, except pilgrims—those were on Karl’s tree). On my dad’s side, though, yes, his father’s paternal side did come from the Shetlands, his father’s maternal side, though Irish, also had a branch that went back to colonial Connecticut and moved to Canada after the American Revolution—So, basically from the US perspective—Benedict Arnolds. Although, from the Canadian perspective, maybe just smart. My father’s mom’s maternal side emigrated from Germany and settled in Philadelphia in the late 1800s, but his mom’s father’s family came to Virginia from England in the 1600s. I found records of a great grandfather who was an indentured servant for life and I found records in the same line of great grandfather’s owning slaves. It was actually a little disturbing to view census records from 1800 Virginia and see the boxes to mark for “Free whites” and “Slaves”. In a 100 year time frame I found grandparents being owned and grandparents owning others.
My mother’s family—the great unknown—became unknown no longer. My grandfather’s family were Mormon pioneers. My 4th great grandfather was ordained by Joseph Smith and was one of the 1200 people that made it across the US to Utah. He evidently had 4 wives and two of my grandmothers were married to him. That took me a while to figure out how to draw on the family tree! But, because my grandfather was Mormon, his tree was very easy to figure out. Most of those lines go back to colonial America, although, it looks like Mormon converts from England migrated to Utah in the late 1800s. One line intersected British royalty (if my figures are correct) and I just kept tracing that back and back and I eventually got to 1066 and William the Conqueror, who was my 29th great grandfather. But then statistically speaking one could have millions of 29th great grandparents.
My mother’s mom came from Idaho and near as I can tell after coming from Europe, her family tended to live along the Canadian border going back and forth as convenience allowed. Many went to the Canadian side after the American Revolution (more Benedict Arnolds!). One of my grandmothers was a member of the Algonquin Tribes located along the now US-Canadian Border. I found a German Hessian Soldier hired by the British to help fight in the Revolutionary war. He somehow managed to settle into Vermont. I think he must have kept a low profile.
So, am I all of that? Or just what I choose to keep? Or am I none of it, if I choose to forget it all? Were any of those ancestors Lutheran? I don’t think so….well, maybe that German…
Thinking that this was finished, I sat down at my piano to practice “One Bread, One Body” this morning, and realized that it provided a perfect response to this reflection (at least in the story I tell myself ;))
This summer we are using the Semi-Continuous Lectionary following the Old Testament stories of Samuel, Saul and David. This is our first week out of the chute and we’ve discovered that the usual planning help (Sundays & Seasons, primarily for music) doesn’t really offer much as Lutherans tend to stick to the Complementary Old Testaments readings that support the Gospel Readings.
We started out thinking about trying to gear it towards Leadership, but I have a feeling that isn’t how it’s going to end up. As for what I do, I generally read the scriptures and try to respond with a song, so that’s what I’ll share here.
I also like to throw out impossible questions for my pastor to try and answer. I’ll share those, too. If you think you have an answer, you can share it. LOL.
A Reading from the Psalms:
PSALM 138
I give you thanks, O Lord, with my whole heart; before the gods I sing your praise; 2 I bow down toward your holy temple and give thanks to your name for your steadfast love and your faithfulness; for you have exalted your name and your word above everything. 3 On the day I called, you answered me, you increased my strength of soul.
4 All the kings of the earth shall praise you, O Lord, for they have heard the words of your mouth. 5 They shall sing of the ways of the Lord, for great is the glory of the Lord. 6 For though the Lord is high, he regards the lowly; but the haughty he perceives from far away.
7 Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve me against the wrath of my enemies; you stretch out your hand, and your right hand delivers me. 8 The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands.
HYMN: Great is Thy Faithfulness
“You are old and your sons do not follow in your ways; appoint for us, then, a king to govern us, like other nations.” (1 Samuel 8:5)
Poor Samuel. We all sort of get the shaft when we age, don’t we? I mean, not that I really know how that feels YET, but I’m sure a lot of people at my church will relate to that. I wonder if many feel, when confronted with questions regarding the decline of the church, that a lot of the younger generations are forsaking the God that they know and listen to. But then are they forsaking God or the status quo? And how do we know the difference?
After reading an outline for this week offered by the United Methodist Church that suggested a way to focus on leadership within the church, I didn’t really see how to fit it with the church leadership style within our system, per se, but I do see how one could feel the tension between the churched and the unchurched. I don’t really know if it’s a matter of sacred vs. secular. I mean, it can be, but for the truly faithful, much of what is secular is also sacred if they are looking for God everywhere. God is everywhere whether one looks for God’s presence or not. Of course more and more people are choosing to believe that there isn’t a God presence to be felt.
Samuel didn’t point his finger and refuse to change. He listened to God, who told him,
“Listen to the voice of the people in all that they say to you;” (I Samuel 8:7)
Sometimes when one listens to people, one finds that what one is told isn’t what one wants to hear. One may not agree with what the other wants. Even though one may be able to tell them all the ways it will fail, it doesn’t mean that they will not do it or perhaps even that they shouldn’t do it. Sometimes you just have to let bad things happen—like a parent, I suppose. Parents can warn a child, but they can’t make them not make some poor choices.
I have to say that I love that list Samuel rattles off. It brings out my inner cheer leader. Of course this section can start all sorts of fights and I would wager that it can be argued from all sides. But, for each of these verses, list how our current economic system, world order, you name it, is exactly that. Huge leap, I suppose, but that’s all the fun. Of course, here are just my initial answers. Yours may be different.
“These will be the ways of the king who will reign over you: he will take your sons and appoint them to his chariots and to be his horsemen, and to run before his chariots;
You betcha—look at the US military machine.
12and he will appoint for himself commanders of thousands and commanders of fifties, and some to plow his ground and to reap his harvest, and to make his implements of war and the equipment of his chariots.
Aerospace industry and the military industrial complex
13He will take your daughters to be perfumers and cooks and bakers.
McDonalds, Burger King, etc….
14He will take the best of your fields and vineyards and olive orchards and give them to his courtiers.
Rich get richer, poor get poorer
15He will take one-tenth of your grain and of your vineyards and give it to his officers and his courtiers.
CEO Benefit Packages
16He will take your male and female slaves, and the best of your cattle and donkeys, and put them to his work. 17He will take one-tenth of your flocks, and you shall be his slaves.
Wal-Mart
18And in that day you will cry out because of your king, whom you have chosen for yourselves; but the LORD will not answer you in that day.”
Actually, correct me if I’m wrong, but Lutherans don’t believe this last statement. It’s at this point, when one hits bottom and is broken down and beat up (death) that God will probably find you—or you will make room for God. But it’s not that God will FIX it, only that God will be there as you journey forward (resurrection).
19But the people refused to listen to the voice of Samuel; they said, “No! but we are determined to have a king over us, 20so that we also may be like other nations, and that our king may govern us and go out before us and fight our battles.”
HYMN: O God Of Every Nation
People, trickle-down economics DOES NOT WORK! (completely opinionated statement, I know)
Questions that I think are difficult to answer.
How do you know what God is saying?
How can you trust God to guide you when you can’t hear his voice?
How can you tell the difference between God’s voice and your own?
HYMN: If You But Trust In God to Guide You
Traditional Music Selections for the day:
Opening Hymn: Great Is Thy Faithfulness (ELW 733)
Hymn of Day: If You But Trust In God to Guide You (ELW 769)
Offertory: In the Lord I’ll Be Ever Thankful
Communion: O God of Every Nation (ELW 713), All My Hope on God is Founded (ELW 757), All Hail the Power of Jesus Name (ELW 634)
Sending: Built on a Rock (ELW 652)
Contemporary Music Selections for the day:
Opening Song: Halleluah (Your love is Amazing) by Brenton Brown and Brian Doerksen)
Hymn of the Day: The First and The Last by Joel Houston and Reuben Morgan
Communion: In the Lord I’ll Be Ever Thankful (Taize)
5 You meet those who gladly do right, those who remember you in your ways. But you were angry, and we sinned; because you hid yourself we transgressed.
Does God really hide? I think this may be a case of “us” making “You” statements at God—a loophole. I’m pretty good at loopholes, so I know one when I see one. Does God hide? Or do we? I think we get busy. We are busy—so busy we can’t always see God. We blame God for hiding, but really we’re just too busy transgressing to see.
Isaiah 64:6 (NRSV)
6 We have all become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous deeds are like a filthy cloth. We all fade like a leaf, and our iniquities, like the wind, take us away.
Have we become who we said we never would? Are the things we thought we were doing for good reasons, keeping us so busy we lose touch with the good in the reasons? Is busyness the iniquity that leaves us blowing in the wind directionless?
Isaiah 64:7 (NRSV)
7 There is no one who calls on your name, or attempts to take hold of you; for you have hidden your face from us, and have delivered[a] us into the hand of our iniquity.
People call on God’s name all the time. The problem isn’t a lack of calling, the problem is that many try to use God against another in justifying a position. Perhaps those that choose not to “call on God’s name” or “Take hold of God”, are really choosing to not follow in the paths of religious extremism that seems to permeate the media.
Has God hidden God? Or have we hidden God?
A few thoughts on the Gospel Text
Mark 13:24-27New Revised Standard Version (NRSV)
The Coming of the Son of Man
24 “But in those days, after that suffering,
the sun will be darkened, and the moon will not give its light, 25 and the stars will be falling from heaven, and the powers in the heavens will be shaken.
26 Then they will see ‘the Son of Man coming in clouds’ with great power and glory.27 Then he will send out the angels, and gather his elect from the four winds, from the ends of the earth to the ends of heaven.
It is funny how we gain perspective as we age. Now I know how this text is situated within the lectionary calendar and the church year. Here we are on the first Sunday of a new church year preparing for Christmas while ending the previous year with Christ the King—one big circle with no ending and no beginning. However, as a child this text was floating independently, a singular verse that somehow lodged itself in my brain with no context. I have no memory of the actual church event that lodged it there, only the memory of my young (maybe 9 years old) self sitting on my bed, staring at the sky, and waiting for it to fall (whatever that means). I must have been told to keep awake! To keep watch! To be prepared! So, I tried, quite literally, to do just that. Like sitting on my bed staring out the window was going to prepare me for anything.
It is funny how we gain perspective as we age. It is funny to be reading this text the week after my mother died.
Mark 13:32 (NRSV)
32 “But about that day or hour no one knows, neither the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.
Ain’t that the truth? My mother certainly didn’t—she didn’t have many of her things in order.
Keep awake! Be prepared! What does that mean? I have to admit, I’ve been preparing for my mother’s death my entire life. My first memory of “preparing” is from when I was quite young—maybe around 8 or 9 (so around the same time I was keeping watch on the sky). I come from a long line of people whose mother’s died when they were quite young. My dad’s mom died when he was 9, and his father died when he was 28. My grandma, Mary’s mother died when she was 4. These stories were ingrained in me—usually with an admonishment to be nice because you never knew when your parent would die.
However, being nice wasn’t my conclusion. It was a stark realization I had that, as they all pointed out, my parents could very well die at any time, and by golly, I was going to be prepared. And just how does a young Mary decide to prepare for this calamity? Well, I figured that I should just practice by pretending my parents were dead, that I had to do everything on my own. I tried to see how long I could go without talking to them. My thought was that if I didn’t ever need my parents then it’d be okay if they died.
It is funny how we gain perspective as we age. Of course, as an adult, I came to realize that not needing people or forming emotional attachments is a rather lonely way to live—not a happy or healthy way to navigate one’s way through this life. Quite honestly, now, I do believe that staying awake and being prepared is more about being present in the current moment—to live fully now. You know the saying, “Life is what happens when we’re busy making plans.”
Are we planning to live or planning to die?
Some more thoughts on the Gospel Reading
Mark 13:32-37 (NRSV)
The Necessity for Watchfulness
32 “But about that day or hour no one knows, neither the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. 33 Beware, keep alert;[a] for you do not know when the time will come. 34 It is like a man going on a journey, when he leaves home and puts his slaves in charge, each with his work, and commands the doorkeeper to be on the watch.35 Therefore, keep awake—for you do not know when the master of the house will come, in the evening, or at midnight, or at cockcrow, or at dawn, 36 or else he may find you asleep when he comes suddenly. 37 And what I say to you I say to all: Keep awake.”
When I read this parable I wondered if any of us actually know what it’s like to be able to go on a journey and not be connected to home with a cell phone? How would this scene present itself with our modern technology? Does an unexpected return even exist anymore?
Would the master show up unannounced or would he text his ETA?
What if the master was paranoid and didn’t trust his servants to do their assigned tasks while away? Wouldn’t he just install video cameras and keep tabs via satellite? Big brother is watching.
Would the workers take pictures of the master’s house and post them on Facebook?
Would they make a reality TV show?
What’s the difference between being present and being preoccupied?
I’m posting last year’s ramblings in an effort to motivate myself to move on to this year. LOL.
Advent 1A
READ: Isaiah 2:1-5, Psalm 122, Romans 13:11-14, Matthew 24:36-44
Song: ELW 438 My Lord What a Morning
My Lord What a Morning
My Lord, what a morning;
My lord, what a morning;
Oh, my Lord, what a morning,
When the stars begin to fall.
You will hear the trumpet sound,
to wake the nations underground,
looking to my God’s right hand,
when the stars begin to fall.
You will hear the sinner cry,
to wake the nations underground,
looking to my God’s right hand,
when the stars begin to fall.
You will hear the Christian shout,
to wake the nations underground,
looking to my God’s right hand,
when the stars begin to fall.
DAY 1
“The hour has come to wake up from your slumber” (Romans 13:11)
“The night is nearly over, the day is almost here. So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light.” (Romans 13:12)
—My Lord, what a morning! My Lord, what a morning!
What is light? Do we see it? Do we feel it? Can we wear it? Can others see it?
What is darkness? Can we see it? Do we feel it? Can we wear it? Can we hide it?
I feel light. I feel darkness. I know light feels better than darkness. I know in the darkness I hope for the light. I hope to wake up and to want to say:
My Lord, what a morning! My Lord, what a morning!
Have you ever sat in a dark moment and just put a forced smile on your face? It’s weird because smiling does sort of make you feel better—even if it’s fake—but it can create a “war”. Smile—I think the corners of our mouth when curved into a smile release endorphins—and the dark pit of despair in one’s gut wars with the brain/smile/endorphin release. It’s a strange feeling!
DAY 2
Light and darkness resides in each of us, says Richard Rohr
Do we need the darkness to appreciate the light?
What a difference a day makes! It’s easier to appreciate the darkness when light makes up more than 70%. LOL.
I think the Matthew text speaks to the reality of all our lives, and the uncertainty of death. I always think of all the people that once were here and now are not and how that number continues to grow. I imagine the playground of my childhood and how eventually we all will disappear.
Even if we knew when, we would not be able to avoid death. We do try to postpone it, but regardless of our efforts, if can’t be avoided.
I wonder if in spending time postponing death and worrying about it, we sometimes fail to live?
I do think it’s good to keep the reality of our death in mind, as that reality can help us create a more meaningful life.
If we live like we’ll never die we may not do things that will make it so when we do die we will be satisfied with how we have lived.
At least that’s how I view it. I often reflect on the question “If I die tomorrow, in a month, or in a year, what do I wish I’d have time to do?” It’s how I know if I really need to change something or do something.
It’s how I deal with the kid subject. So far, the hope of building lifelong relationships with a few special students, young adults at church and/or an exchange student or 2 is enough. I feel a need to connect with the next generations, but not necessarily in a biological way.
DAY 3
“Nations will not take up sword against nation, nor will they train for war anymore” (Isaiah 2:4)
–My Lord, what a morning! My Lord, what a morning!
WORLD PEACE—I guess it’s something we all wish for, not just beauty queens. Do we laugh at beauty pageant contestants because it is such an unrealistic desire? Nobody’s figured it our yet, so surely the beauty queen wont’ either. Is it humanly unattainable?
Why do so many humans desire it? Safety? Fear of death? Security?
Question: The law will go out from Zion, the word from Jerusalem. Are Zion and Jerusalem different locations? What’s the difference? Why separate where the law and word derive from?
Note on Matthew text: Noah—Well, people still don’t listen to weather forecasters. Some do, but many others refuse to leave. People can be told the volcano will erupt, or the storm surge will destroy their homes and they still refuse to leave and find safety and refuge.
Day 4
“Wake up from your slumber, because your salvation is nearer now than when we first believed.” (Romans 13:11)
I suppose if faith is a journey, then we are all nearer than we began, chronologically speaking.
Perhaps “Waking up” or “Seeing the light” could get one there more quickly. Although, I have been known to sleep to pass time to more quickly arrive at a future destination/time I didn’t want to wait for. LOL.
Bruce Almighty—saw the light, learned to repress his darkness and learned to pray. He moved beyond self to the needs of others.
Pray for the Peace of Jerusalem:
“May those who love you be secure.
May there be peace within your walls
and security within your citadels.”
For the sake of my brothers and friends,
I will say, ‘Peace be within you.’
For the sake of the house of the Lord our God,
I will seek prosperity.
(Psalm 122: 6-9)
–My Lord, what a morning! My Lord, what a morning!
I recently found this poem in a pile of papers in a closet I was cleaning out. I wrote it 25 years ago, during my senior year of high school. I was obviously suffering from a major case of “Senior-itis”. I can safely say that I do not use Trig or Calculus on any sort of regular basis, but I have managed to find purpose and sometimes I even come up with a plan.
How long until we can build the kind of nest we want in the place we want it?
How long until we can live without fear of losing all that we’ve worked so hard to build?
Every spring we gather beautiful bits of garbage, sticks and twigs.
We work hard to build and decorate a fashionable place to live.
Every spring our enemies try to build screens to keep us out.
They destroy our nests and tear apart our community.
They call us dirty.
Nevertheless, we are persistent, Lord, because we know you are our God.
We are persistent, Lord, because we know you have created us and we are beautiful
We are persistent, Lord, because we know that you love us.
Please, God, deliver us from the forces of hate that continue to build walls and traps.
Let us build our homes in peace for we have put our faith in your love.
We will coo your praises, Lord,
Forever and ever.
Amen.
I wrote this Psalm a few years ago while serving as choir director at a United Methodist Church. At the time quite a few pigeons had a home in the church’s belfry and many people were trying to figure out how to encourage these birds to find a new residence.This morning I was thinking about this poem and laughing about the story behind it. Reflecting on it left me to wonder if pigeons in a belfry could help form community.
I have to admit, that I tend to feel sorry for animals (even ones considered pests) when they are sort of “cute”. One Friday morning as I arrived to practice in the sanctuary, one of the pigeons was standing in the street looking at me. Upon closer inspection, I realized that this poor bird had but one leg! Oh, the tragedy! We were trying to evict disabled pigeons from the belfry??? O, the injustice!
People that know me well, know my brain functions in a rather quirky way, linking together impossibly incompatible thoughts making them seemingly connected, often only to me, but that is the way it goes. So, this is how it began.
While sitting at the piano in the sanctuary playing through a collection of hymn arrangements I started substituting the word pigeon for nouns in the hymn lyrics. Instead of his eye being on the sparrow, his eye was on the pigeons. At the time I was also researching Psalms and ways to use Psalms for worship, so of course, suddenly I found myself reading the Psalms from the pigeons’ perspective.
VOILA! The Pigeons’ Lament was born.
In the perfect twist to such a silly story, shortly after writing this lament, I attended a church fundraiser and what should I see? Behold, speaking to me from an auction display hung a water-color picture of the pigeons created by a local water-color artist who attended the church. Guess who bought that picture in the silent auction? ME! The artist had no idea what I’d been through with the pigeons, but I shared my story and we all had a good laugh. I still smile every day when I walk through my dining room and see these pigeons.
Last Spring I was asked to reflect on one of Jesus’ last words from the cross. Not Advent, I know, but I think I’ll start my blog with that reflection. I start with the scripture quotes I was asked to reflect on.
Matthew 27:45-49
New Revised Standard Version (NRSV)
The Death of Jesus
45 From noon on, darkness came over the whole land until three in the afternoon. 46 And about three o’clock Jesus cried with a loud voice, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” that is, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” 47 When some of the bystanders heard it, they said, “This man is calling for Elijah.” 48 At once one of them ran and got a sponge, filled it with sour wine, put it on a stick, and gave it to him to drink.49 But the others said, “Wait, let us see whether Elijah will come to save him.”
Psalm 22
New Revised Standard Version (NRSV)
Plea for Deliverance from Suffering and Hostility
To the leader: according to The Deer of the Dawn. A Psalm of David.
1 My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
Why are you so far from helping me, from the words of my groaning? 2 O my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer;
and by night, but find no rest.
3 Yet you are holy,
enthroned on the praises of Israel. 4 In you our ancestors trusted;
they trusted, and you delivered them. 5 To you they cried, and were saved;
in you they trusted, and were not put to shame.
6 But I am a worm, and not human;
scorned by others, and despised by the people. 7 All who see me mock at me;
they make mouths at me, they shake their heads; 8 “Commit your cause to the Lord; let him deliver—
let him rescue the one in whom he delights!”
9 Yet it was you who took me from the womb;
you kept me safe on my mother’s breast. 10 On you I was cast from my birth,
and since my mother bore me you have been my God. 11 Do not be far from me,
for trouble is near
and there is no one to help.
12 Many bulls encircle me,
strong bulls of Bashan surround me; 13 they open wide their mouths at me,
like a ravening and roaring lion.
14 I am poured out like water,
and all my bones are out of joint;
my heart is like wax;
it is melted within my breast; 15 my mouth is dried up like a potsherd,
and my tongue sticks to my jaws;
you lay me in the dust of death.
16 For dogs are all around me;
a company of evildoers encircles me.
My hands and feet have shriveled; 17 I can count all my bones.
They stare and gloat over me; 18 they divide my clothes among themselves,
and for my clothing they cast lots.
19 But you, O Lord, do not be far away!
O my help, come quickly to my aid! 20 Deliver my soul from the sword,
my life[c] from the power of the dog! 21 Save me from the mouth of the lion!
From the horns of the wild oxen you have rescued me. 22 I will tell of your name to my brothers and sisters;
in the midst of the congregation I will praise you: 23 You who fear the Lord, praise him!
All you offspring of Jacob, glorify him;
stand in awe of him, all you offspring of Israel! 24 For he did not despise or abhor
the affliction of the afflicted;
he did not hide his face from me,
but heard when I cried to him.
25 From you comes my praise in the great congregation;
my vows I will pay before those who fear him. 26 The poor shall eat and be satisfied;
those who seek him shall praise the Lord.
May your hearts live forever!
27 All the ends of the earth shall remember
and turn to the Lord;
and all the families of the nations
shall worship before him. 28 For dominion belongs to the Lord,
and he rules over the nations.
29 To him, indeed, shall all who sleep in the earth bow down;
before him shall bow all who go down to the dust,
and I shall live for him. 30 Posterity will serve him;
future generations will be told about the Lord, 31 and proclaim his deliverance to a people yet unborn,
saying that he has done it.
The fact that Jesus chose to recite Psalm 22 from the cross comes as little surprise to me as it seems to so accurately describe what was going on around him. Matthew clearly heard it, too. Matthew was always looking for ways to demonstrate how Jesus was fulfilling ancient scripture—it’s like he was saying Yep, see here, just like Psalm 22!”
1: “My God My God”
Vs 7-8: 7 All who see me mock at me;
they make mouths at me, they shake their heads; 8 “Commit your cause to the Lord; let him deliver—
let him rescue the one in whom he delights!”
18: 18 they divide my clothes among themselves,
and for my clothing they cast lots.
Music (and remember Psalms are music) does that. Music supplies mood and words to pain and suffering like very little else. When I was first asked to do one of these “7 Last Words” I said, “Oh, I have a song for that.” I was told that I had to try and use words this time. However, just to demonstrate the power of music I have to share a snippet of the choir anthem we are working on for Palm Sunday. (Yes, blatant advertising for the Palm Sunday Service!)
Vern and I will perform 30 seconds of our choir anthem “My God, My God Why Have You Forsaken ME?”
That’s why I love music! There is just so much power and meaning that can be conveyed with just a few words and the right combination of tones. In that 30 seconds of music we could establish mood, emotion, meaning, pain with just a few words. We didn’t need to hear any more words but the music connected to something deep within ourselves.
Much of it was done without the words. Music can be sometimes (well, often for me) easier than words. Sometimes words are the problem—they can get in our way.
I did a little research on Psalm 22 and found that the ELCA used it as the opening line for its November 10, 2011 Mental Health Statement. That should come as no surprise to anybody who has lived with the affects of mental health distress or watched loved ones suffer through such times.
I don’t know how many of you have seen the animated film “The Lion King”, but my husband and I used to love that movie. It must have just been released in 1994 or 1995 around the time Karl broke his neck in an automobile accident and we spent 5 months living in Harborview Hospital in Seattle. “The Lion King” played seemingly daily for most of that time. I can’t even tell you how many times we’ve seen it. Dozens. There are two scenes that have always stuck with me. The first, which still cracks me up, is the scene where Pumba the pig is running from the Lion and gets stuck in a log and while his eyes are bugging out in the most hilarious way screams, “She’s going to EAT ME!” The other is Zazu the bird, trapped in a cage in the lair of the evil Lion Scar singing “Nobody Knows the Trouble I’ve Seen”.
How many of you know all the words to at least the First verse and Refrain of that African Spiritual?
“Nobody Knows the Trouble I’ve Seen
Nobody knows but Jesus
Nobody knows the trouble I’ve seen
Glory, Hallelujah!
Sometimes I’m up, Sometimes I’m down.
Oh Yes, Lord
Sometimes I’m almost to the ground
Oh, yes Lord!”
Strangely it wasn’t Karl’s accident, injury and disability that caused me to scream out “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” I’m not sure if it’s luck or what, but I grew up looking at the world around me and the people I knew and what they experienced and hypothesized that bad things happen to everyone and just about every family had at least one tragedy. I pretty much entered adulthood waiting for my own personal tragedy. I didn’t have to wait very long.
Like I said, it wasn’t the accident itself that brought the “My God, why?”—It actually took about 7 years– 7 years of actually being pretty happy and coping well with our change in circumstance, but also 7 years of being the sole caregiver for my quadriplegic husband. I wasn’t the sole caregiver because nobody else would help us, but rather because I didn’t know how or couldn’t ask for help. For 7 years, and looking back I don’t actually know how I managed it, I was the only person that helped Karl with all of his daily needs. Never once, not even when I had the flu, did I ask for help.
Eventually, I found myself in a pretty tough spot. I was exhausted.
1 My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from helping me, from the words of my groaning? 2 O my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer; and by night, but find no rest.
Sometimes I actually think the words of our groaning are what keep us from feeling God, hearing God, and or seeing God. We are too enmeshed in our own pain, our own ego at the height of our groaning that anything beyond ourselves is out of reach to us.
I must admit that sometimes my brain can get pretty busy and fret endlessly about things. I remember a person said something to me in the midst of this rather intense time. He said:
“Mary, you are like a person who fears they are drowning and so they dog paddle like crazy to save themselves. But what they don’t realize is that the water is only 6 inches deep not 60 feet and if they would just stop paddling and put their feet down, they’d find solid ground.”
That’s not meant to belittle our pain or our suffering. Pain and suffering can often be a large part of the human condition.
But I do think that’s what it is like when we let ourselves see God within our darkness. That’s how God finds us. It’s not in the groaning. It’s beyond the groaning, after the groaning, when we’ve reached bottom. It’s when we stop groaning, sometimes just for a second, and put our feet down. That’s our God moment in the midst of the darkness that can sometimes seem everywhere.
Jesus, God fully human, understands humanities pain. Perhaps on the cross, not only did he take on humanities sinfulness but also every other aspect of human suffering and emotion. In a way Jesus gives us permission to ask why. He gives us an example. He allows us to not be “perfect”—to not hide our brokenness, but rather to allow God to find us within it.
As Psalm 22: 24 goes on to say, and so can we, as set forth in the example of Jesus on the cross:
24 For he did not despise or abhor the affliction of the afflicted;
he did not hide his face from me, but heard when Icried to him.
And finally, I have to quote one more song, ELW 581 YOU ARE MINE:
Last year I wrote a personal Journal Connecting the lectionary readings for Advent to music and my thoughts. This year I think I will do the same. Sometimes my thoughts are a bit random, but hopefully you find meaning in them as you live the Advent Season and prepare for Christmas.
Mary's Blog: Lectionary and Music Ramblings (and maybe a cat) 